Talia Levy

November 13, 2023

finding someone better

“Don’t worry about losing him, you’ll find someone better.”

Sound familiar?

Our friends often tell us not to dwell on a break up because there’s “someone better” out there. This mindset can definitely have negative effects, but I think if used in the right situations, it can be positive. It can put you in a state of abundance, as opposed to a state of lack.

I put my own little spin on the phrase “finding someone better” to help further distance it from the negative perspective as well. I’ll look at this mindset as it comes to romantic relationships, but know it can be used in other life situations as well.

The problem with thinking there’s always “someone better” is that you’ll never be happy with what you have. It’s a never-ending cycle. This mindset brings an end to perfectly good relationships because one partner wonders “well, what if a new person just had this one more quality that my current partner doesn’t?”

I’ve heard people talk about this paradox of choice as it comes to dating apps. Scrolling through profiles online, we think we have a ton of options, so we keep on looking until we find the “perfect one”. That leads to never settling down with one person — the goal of downloading the dating app in the first place.

If you’re happy with your relationship, there’s no reason to look for something better. Yes, it may have its ups and downs, but you recognize that every relationship will. If you’re happy overall, you don’t need to take on this mindset.

Now, if you’re unhappy and know a change needs to happen, that’s when this mindset becomes valuable. But instead of looking at it like there’s always “someone better”, I like to look at it like there’s always a chance for you to be happy. So if you’re not in a happy space right now, this mindset says that you can get there.

Believe that there’s someone out there for you. We don’t know what the future holds either way. We don’t know for sure whether we will or won’t find someone. So if you could choose to take on the positive mindset and believe there is someone, why wouldn’t you?

Our thoughts create our reality. If you’re in a constant state of thinking there’s nothing better for yourself, your behaviors will start to align with that. Thoughts on their own don’t necessarily manifest things into existence, but they do influence our behaviors. And our behaviors are what ultimately control our outcomes.

You’re not going to get rich just by thinking about money. You have to get up and put in the work to achieve that goal. But by believing you can make that money, you’re putting yourself in alignment with receiving it, and you will start to act accordingly.

Similarly, if you don’t believe you can find happiness with anyone, you’re not going to look for people. You’re not going to attend the parties or the movies, to meet others. And people who do catch your eye, you’re going to cast off, thinking it’s “too good to be true.” “I already know there’s nothing out there for me.”

It’s our behaviors created by our thoughts that influence what happens. So why not think positively? It can only benefit you. Believe there’s someone you can find happiness with.

Now, some people also fall into the trap where they know they’re unhappy and that their situation isn’t working, but they’re scared to leave. They’re holding on to the few good memories they did have, fearing they won’t find those positive traits in anyone else. That is living in a state of lack.

Look at your situation with a mindset of abundance instead. The fact that you found those positive qualities in one person means those qualities exist in the world. That person proved to you that you can find those qualities in others. So do that. They are not the only ones who have those positive traits; that wouldn’t make logical sense given the amount of people there are on this planet. (And honestly, if you possess those positive traits, that should be evidence enough that they exist in the world.)

So be grateful the person opened your eyes to the fact that you can find those qualities you want, and continue to search for the other qualities you felt were lacking in your past relationship. There’s always a chance for you to be happy.

About Talia Levy

i write about relationships, self-help, & other random reflections i have. new posts every sunday.