I like when people know I analyze our conversations. I like when people know I’m paying attention to how many questions they ask, how often they initiate new topics, and how well they listen.

I analyze a lot when I’m talking to people, and I find it important that others know, because awareness is key in conversation. I’ve become so aware of myself when I talk to people, and I attribute many of my conversation skills to that.

When people know someone is paying attention, they start to become more aware themselves. They look at how much they’re contributing, which is where the real growth happens. That’s how good conversationalists are made.

Yes, some people might feel self-conscious when they know another person is analyzing their conversation. It might even have the opposite effect at times, making the person freeze or have trouble thinking of what to say because they feel under pressure.

Eventually though, they’ll use that self-examination and pressure to see how much effort they’re giving, work to give more, and they’ll be better at conversation in times of pressure, because of it. And at a certain point, they’ll forget that I think about it.

Even for me, the idea of someone analyzing my conversation with them can be nerve wracking. I might freeze sometimes or trip over my words. But the awareness it makes me have in moments when I’m talking is unparalleled.

When I think more about how I do something (in this case, talking to another person), I think more about what I’m great at and what I could improve in. And now that I know what I can improve in, I’m able to start working on it.

I also learn to make conversation in situations where I feel more pressure or at risk of freezing, which is a good skill. Having to make conversation in difficult scenarios where either you freeze or the other person isn’t contributing much, probably isn’t a space you want to be in forever. But we’ll all be in those situations at some point. Knowing how to talk under pressure and work through moments of freezing is a valuable skill.

So I love that people know I analyze them in conversation. Know that I do. Let this pressure help you learn to speak during difficult moments, and let this self-examination reveal what you need to work on. Then work on it, and improve as a conversationalist.