My mom died 19 years ago and my dad has been in prison ever since, for her murder. I was 9 years old and my sister was 6. As kids, we had literally zero knowledge about any details at that time, except the bare facts that our mom was dead and our dad was gone.

I haven't publicly shared much about this. The links above provide pretty complete coverage. The interested reader can probably infer where I stand today, especially if they can find Wendy's poetry.

To be honest, I rarely think about it at all though. How often do you ponder events of 20 years past? It feels like distant history for me. But there's an upshot: Wendy is structurally meaningful to me as my only real family. 

I want to talk about 2024 and 2025, so we'll just set all the above aside for now. I can share more someday if people are interested to hear rants on the justice system and personal forgiveness and Wisconsin culture, etc. Here's a convenient wall of nice photos to help us transition...
 

 

Wendy arrived in Scottsdale two days ago, driving down from SF with all her things in a truck. I just returned yesterday, also exhausted, from a Christmas road trip visiting Death Valley with a college buddy and his wife. Stopped by Vegas on the way home. The Wynn's poker room rate program is awesome.

We shared a Cornish Pasty and she spent the night at my place. Wendy decided Arizona was to be her new home after re-evaluating SF rent prices in the wake of a breakup, as well as the art scene as she pursues painting full-time. I chose to leave Singapore in November. I wanted to move wherever my sister would be, also in the wake of my own breakup and with America becoming slightly more great again.

I'm happy with a lot of things about 2024, like owning a real business. But most of all, it's probably been finding my way home. There's a saying "Home is where your underwear is." I said to Wendy, "I've never been to Phoenix but hopefully it's OK, cuz here we come!"

Last month, I found a great apartment and moved in after a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's nice to have a stable lease, and my own bed, for the first time since I left SF in 2020 then spontaneously headed for Ecuador. 

The Defining Decade has been on my mind for the past 6.5 years, and I'm 375 days from exiting my 20s. From when I first read that book, more than physical geography and living logistics, I now have a deeper understanding of what it means to invest in relationships, community, health, and other things that matter. I also bought an amazing mattress.

Wendy resonated with the book too, so it's symbolic that we woke up in the new year together (in the same bed). We had a lovely breakfast & walk. We had some real conversations and watched a very interesting documentary together.

Overall, we spent more quality time than perhaps we ever have. Especially in proportion to the amount of friction and unpleasantness that our traumas typically generate between us, after a couple hours in close proximity.

One of my biggest 2024 learnings—from my first serious relationship—is how hard it is to really love someone without daily action. So I'm grateful, truly tearfully overjoyed, to be able to live out 2025 within 5mins walking distance of my sister!

I hope your new year is profoundly special to you.
Or perhaps becomes so in hindsight.
<3