Dean Clough

July 1, 2024

Portico Darwin: Barry and Mr. Roarke Go To Washington



3 Minute Read

Happy Monday, and this is my fantasy.

Barack Obama was dreading this and hoped beyond hope it could be avoided.  But last Thursday's horror show of a debate meant he had been called upon by his party to ask his friends Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to step aside.  He brought some helpers to ensure it would go as smoothly as possible.

Dr. Jill Biden greeted the 3 of them with a begrudged look of acceptance as she brought them into the Oval Office, where President Biden was presently sipping Geritol.  Despite the ridiculous cheerleading ("You did great!") after her beloved husband's woeful debate performance, Jill herself knows Joe running now means certain defeat in November.  So when Michelle Obama called Dr. Biden on Friday and asked, she said she'd support bringing Barack, Mr. Roarke, and Tattoo to the White House to discuss the future.  They arrived on Saturday afternoon.  

After BS'ing a bit, and cracking on Tattoo's haircut, Barack dives right in.  "Joe, it's over.  You know I love you, and you saved the country in 2020.  You've served America for over 50 years.  But you're not up to this.  You know it, Jill knows it, and now the whole fucking country knows it.  So, Joe, you're going to step aside, and here's what we're gonna do.  But it starts with Kamala."

Joe nodded.  Off.  But everyone knew he was finished as a candidate already, so it made no difference.

As Obama was speaking, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo welcomed Vice President Kamala Harris into the room.  Asking Obama himself to deliver the message and introduce Roarke was Michelle's idea.
A good one, as it turns out. "Kamala, this is hard for me to say, and trust me, as a Black person myself I know what it takes to accomplish what you have. But although you're still vital and coherent - unlike Joe - you're almost as unpopular. Simply plugging you in at the top of the ticket won't work. "So my friend, this has been discussed by all of the relevant parties, and here's what's on offer. Kamala, you and Joe are going to step aside. Joe's going to go play golf, but you're going to support our new Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates like nobody's business." Hands on her hips and not enjoying being shoved aside, Kamala said - shockingly, given that she was addressing a former President and Obama at that - "Why the fuck would I do that? I've taken enough shit in 4 years to last a lifetime and I'm done. I am running for president - I am next in line." With that, Barack turned and introduced the mysterious Mr. Roarke, who spoke next. He was decidedly calm - as if the outcome of this meeting were somehow preordained. "Kamala, do you remember your dream, in law school and throughout your career? It wasn't to be Vice President or even President. You're a law-and-order gal, and you know if you're being honest with yourself, you want to be the United States Attorney General." Kamala nodded, but still had her hands on her hips and muttered "At least." Mr. Roarke said confidently, "Done. But I've got a surprise for you. In exchange for your full-throated support of the two people you'll meet next, you'll start in the administration as AG, but we've set things up so you'll be appointed to the Supreme Court, later in 2025." Kamala took her hands off her hips and had barely processed the offer when the business tycoon Mark Cuban and Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer were next brought into the Oval Office by Tattoo. "Please, have a seat," offered the diminutive one, as he gestured at an empty couch opposite the one occupied by a dozing President Biden and still-simmering Vice President Harris.
Barack Obama spoke again and said "Look, I've chatted with Springsteen, De Niro, Oprah, and yes, even Chuck Schumer, and we all agree Mark and Gretchen as our Presidential and VP candidates respectively give us the best shot at putting Trump behind us, once and for all.  But Kamala, all of us know it depends upon you - this doesn't work without your heartfelt support.  What do you say, Justice Harris?"

Mark and Gretchen sat silently - they knew their role was to keep their mouths shut.  It was, truly, all riding on Kamala Harris.  But there was nothing to worry about, as Mr. Roarke was here.

Because a simple - but strong - look from Roarke to VP Harris, straight in her eyes, was all it took.  It was done.  

The Vice President suddenly broke into her pretty smile and said "I will do anything to keep Trump from office.  I think Mark and Gretchen will kick his felonious white ass.  This is exactly the breath of fresh air the country desperately wants and needs, and I am hereby volunteering to lead the campaign to elect Mark Cuban as the next President of the United States!"

Everyone applauded; Obama and Harris looked a bit choked-up.  Mark was beaming and Gretchen demure.  But ready.  They both were.

Joe Biden, awake now and surveying this other-worldly turn of events, took another slug from his Geritol bottle and thought to himself, "I'm too old for this shit." 

He said his goodbyes and shuffled off to take a nap.  But not before a hug from his friend Barry.

Will my fantasy become reality?  I don't know.

But what's so very sad to me is that the Democrats now appear to be just as weak in publicly standing up to Biden as the Republicans are in not rejecting Trump.  


Of the thousands and thousands of responses I received regarding the debut of Maybe It Was Destiny, the very kind Lara Mohair's stood above them all.

I will enjoy the Maybe series and found the Schwab stories shared today super interesting.

See?  I am now factually not the only one who will enjoy it.

Thank you for reading this newsletter.  


Coincidentally featuring "Changes," "Perpetual Change," "Heart of the Sunrise," and even "It Can Happen," here is my Diamond Certified playlist of the 24 best Yes songs. 

Heck even the band name is an affirmation we can put up a fight against the vile Trump.  But I still can't completely process what is happening and that this awful person may very likely be president again.  

Maybe "Love Will Find a Way?"

About Dean Clough